Mash WordUp

Things that I think and do

An edited collection of football chants: for the youth of today

football crowd 2

People say that footballers, in everything they do, should always be setting an example to today’s youth.  I’m not completely sure which people say this, aside from those at the Daily Fail, but it is said.

But to these people I say this: footballers can set as much of an example as they like both on and off the pitch, but it’s all wasted effort if the youths are getting a different message from the crowds at matches.  Swearing, insults and general unpleasantry from supporters can undo all the hard work that dedicated professionals such as Titus Bramble and Emile Heskey do.

You may well claim that it’s all part of the football bantery, but young people don’t always know when to stop so a banterous environment in the stands may lead to excessive banterism (viz. bullying) away from the stadium.  And we all know that it’s a small step from bantering to full-blown personal attacks.

So here are some family-friendly chants we can all adopt, to keep the insults flowing but the potentially offensive abuse to a minimum.


Your support isn’t actually very good at all – we’re letting you know this to show that we do not approve and that our support of our team is far superior!

We’re always told that swearing is the last bastion of those who lack vocabulary.  Well, this one cuts out the expletives and also explains in more detail what the fans are trying to convey.

The referee is a man of unsavoury personal habits, known particularly for excessive self-abuse!

The referee is of questionable parentage!

The classic referee insult is a staple crowd pleaser, but with these sanitised versions you can slight his character while protecting our young ones from naughty words.

ooooooOOOOOO! You’re really not very good, are you? Oh dear…haha.

This is the one to shout at the opposition keeper as he runs up to take a goal kick.  Retains the same basic message as the original, but is probably a bit less abrasive and offensive to the poor bloke who, as we all know, is doing his best really.

Please do be seated and refrain from chanting – your opinion is of no import to us and we disregard it!

“Sit down, shut up!” is, in any circle, quite rude.  This amendment is much more pleasant.


I know that tensions rise, blood boils and tempers become somewhat frayed in the excitement of a football match. But if we can start to get these user-friendly chants going we can make any stadium a happier place for everyone. Especially younglings.


football crowd 1


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This entry was posted on September 10, 2014 by in Football, Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .
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